I'm so sorry I haven't been here... turns out I might be MIA most of the time, for a while at least. While I have a small window, I'm going to update you all.
So The Cowboy got to NJ very late, we all went to grab food after that (I didn't eat) and got home about 5am. We only actually slept about an hour or 2 and then had to get ready and go to my parents with the kids. The Ex knew The Cowboy was coming, and didn't seem bothered. We got home about 730pm Sunday night after a really great Mothers' Day. The Cowboy went to lay in my bed while I got the kids showered and ready for bed. Once the kids were asleep, I went in my bed and fell asleep by 830. I woke up at 330am and went to get a drink from the kitchen. The Ex was asleep on the couch as usual. I went back to bed and The Cowboy and I started kissing and fooling around. We were both tired and knew The Ex was in the other room, so we were very slow and quiet, barely even doing anything. For this reason, I believe The Ex got up and came to listen at the door, because within seconds he was banging on the door, screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE". I was so upset, couldn't understand how he knew. Felt bad for doing it in the first place. We got dressed and started walking out the front door. The Ex was sitting on the couch, holding his 13 inch hunting knife (no, he is not a hunter, just has a lot of knives) and tells The Cowboy, "You are not welcome in my house, if you ever come back I'll fucking gut you". To which the Cowboy replies as he never misses a step walking out the door, "Yeah, just try."
We continue walking to my car, I get in the passenger side and The Cowboy walks around to the driver's. Before he's in the car, The Ex comes running outside holding up the knife. I went to lock the doors, but the switch didn't work. I had just enough time to lock it manually and was trying to reach the lock behind me when he tried and failed to open my door, then opened the back door successfully. The whole time I'm screaming for The Cowboy to GO GO GO GO... once the back door is open, he puts it in reverse and hits the gas. Right next to where I park my car in the driveway, there's a big tree. He was trying to crush the Ex between the car door and the tree. I guess the Ex got out of the way quick enough, but my door snapped right off as we drove away. We got a block down the road and pulled over, me screaming that we need to get my kids. I was picturing the worst ways he could get his revenge on me. I needed to get my kids! We called the police who came right away. Within minutes if not seconds they came to us, went up to the house, arrested him and told us to come back. Apparently he confessed immediately and gave them the knife, and if currently in the county jail with $20,000 bond, charged with aggravated assault, terroristic threats and possession of a weapon for unlawful purposes, times 2 because there were 2 victims. He's also already on probation for the last stunt he pulled.
So... The Cowboy decided to stay here with me. About 5 hours after this crazy incident, we took a pregnancy test. And of course... pregnant again.
It's been harder this time to decide what to do. Getting a third abortion is just infuriating. I know, I made my own choices. But I really thought we were careful enough. In fact, doing the math... I'm able to pinpoint the exact night it happened because we didn't have sex for a week prior to that time and not again for 12 days after. That one night. Why is it so easy for me to get pregnant? =[
Also... I love him so much. We've been together non-stop for the past 5 days, endured a lot of shit, and its just been better than ever. It's going to be really hard to abort when I'm pregnant with someone I love so much. It just isn't good timing. I hate myself for this, but I can't go back and change anything. I also decided that I'm going to quit smoking and suck it up and take the pill until we get married. We would like to do that next September, and ideally I'd like to have a child the following September. So I'll be on birth control until the years turns 2015, a year and a half.
Other than that, we're trying to figure everything else out. We need a place to live and money for the meantime since his next job doesn't start until June 15. But at least we have this house until The Ex gets out of jail, which could be a while, but it's also really expensive.
Idk what else to say. That's what's up with me. On the plus side, I'm still 162. No gain is ok with me since I haven't been focused at all. Idk how I can possibly get in better shape until this next abortion is over with.
I can't stress enough how much I love my boyfriend. He's been SO GOOD to me. He bought me a new car door, painted it sooo nicely to match perfectly and is putting it on right now (which is how I'm able to post this) and has just been taking care of me overall. I don't ever want him to leave, and neither does he it seems. In fact, I miss him right now.
