Sunday, 24 June 2012

• Well I saw it coming at least. Up another 1.5lb. Went out to dinner... chicken sandwich with curly fries. Then later an ice cream cone full of extra crap. Whatever... it was one day. Today will be low, Monday and Tuesday will fast. Now I'm 3.5 higher than Friday. Got to fix that, get back down and then some by Sunday, because that was my goal date. Originally was supposed to be 21lb lower than now, but revised to 11lb lower than this. Think I can drop 11 in a week? We shall see. I've got to at least be in the next tens digit, which requires 7. I can do that. I can do this.

  I let my son's father hang out with us for a bit yesterday. So dumb. He's gone now. He wasn't mean or anything, but he was clearly more interested in hitting on me. I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is that he can just just come home after all this time and I've just been sitting around waiting. He's so dumb. I'm glad its over, I'm glad I did the right thing. My son was glad to meet him, but clearly not too sad about seeing him go.

  I'm so sick of E being mad at me all the time. I can never do anything right. Same with G. Same with my mom. Why am I always being screamed at?? I'm a good girlfriend, a good daughter. All things considered, I'm still a good wife. I still cook all his meals, clean his house, raise his children and wash/fold his laundry. I'm just romantic with someone else because he refused to do that for me. I told him for years if he didn't start giving me any affection eventually I would find it. He DIDN'T care! I keep asking him if he wants to go out with his friends, and for me to stay home. I don't care if I'm in my car with E or at my house, as long as I'm not near G. Last night I kept asking him if he was going out, and he wouldnt give me a straight answer. SAying he "Wants the option to go out" so I told him I was going to dinner. I waited for him to text or call saying he made plans and needed me to come home, but it never happened. So I got ice cream and drove around bullshitting til I got tired, then came home at 11:45pm. He was sleeping, but woke up to scream at me. Saying I do whatever I want and I'm a liar and blah blah and he told me he wanted to go out and I kept saying that he didn't tell me had plans and he knows he could have and I would have come home. He's just mad at himself for falling asleep. Why am I everyone's dumping ground? Feel free to use me as a human punching bag people, PLEASE! I have no self esteem anyway, and there's nothing you can say that hurts worse than the things I say to myself.

  FUCK

  YOU

  ALL.

   

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