Monday, 23 July 2012
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Ugh... my weight has been teetering... idk why... I'm dieting so well, working out like mad... It's not fair. I guess I LOOK skinnier... but not skinny enough. I've been taking weekly pictures of my abs and I definately see a big diffference. I went shopping yesterday and tried on a bunch of dresses... I was amazed at how good everything looked. I don't remember ever having that feeling?! And I got some TIGHT sexy dresses... one I will wear tomorrow for my best friend's birthday. OF course I'm going with M. I'm starting to like him more and more... but I'm seriously not over E whatsoever... and I'm still bitter about love in general. I feel like what I want, what I need... it doesn't exist. It's not possible for a man to look at me as perfection, and to never look at anyone else forever. For me to give myself to someone... I need to know that they hold me in the highest regard. I need them to drive me to do better, always, but to still think I'm the greatest when I fall short. I want them to protect me and know me deeply. I used to have all these things... I had the dream. I could not have been happier. It was incredible. And it's gone forever...
What a fucking ramble.
It's all I do anymore.
If I can't have love, I will settle for a perfect stomach. That's what I really want. I tried on a bikini yesterday too just to see is MAYBE I could get away with it tomorrow... NO. I admit they have looked much worse on me in the past... but if I went in public like that I'd be crucified.
You get the point.
peaceloveandskinniness.
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Comments (10)
hope your efforts start showing soon :)
I am really glad you found dresses you liked on yourself! while reading I thought you where sad cause of the lack of progress... so I was expecting you to talk about leaving a store in tears and wearing a potato sack :P
So great job on the shopping! shows that you are really working hard!
Good luck on your date!
You're doing great! That feeling of liking yourself in new clothes is one of the best feelings ever. Don't get so down about E.. I know it's easier said that done. I can relate, believe me. But you have to stop having that mentality and stop *looking* for what you want. The best things just come to you out of nowhere. It will happen when you least expect it. Keep up the good work xo. Also, awesome tummy thinspo. I want a flat stomach more than anything..needed to see those.
im so happy u have been exercising regularly it really is the best way.. i wanna tell u what the deal is with my E. basically...when i was over 200 pounds i got the job where i currently work. i work with mentally disabled women i drive them to events,clean,cook,help them with their behaviors,paper work..etc when i went to training for the job i met E and at first i didnt think anything of him he had the whole bad boy look to him and i kept thinking he was some idiot..without even talking to him i rejected the idea off him me being 200 pounds and all..ididnt see him for a while because he works at a different location..so one day i got assigned to drive one client to his location because he works with mentally disabled men..it was a guy my client was seeing and i come there and they hang out..so i was forced to be with e by ourselves every wednesday. One day it was cold outside and idk the wind blew his hair a certain way and i noticed how gorgeous he is the thing is he was always nice to me fat or skinny. and when i came in one day after not coming there for months i was 50 pounds lighter he noticed right away and kept asking me how i did it and was really nice..we would flirt and flirt and flirt..and he asked me out and stupidly i said i didnt know him well enough idk why but the way he asked me i didnt want to seem eager and now i just go every wednesday and he stares at me and i stare at him but it just stays like this..idk if hes gonna ask me out anymore or anything. Also on his bday i ran into him at the club and we kissed. there the whole E situation just for u lol.
@NEthing4slim - Thanks so much! Honestly I expected them to look terrible and to start crying.... but I guess I just really needed to see myself in proper fitting, sexy clothes. It makes a difference and is very flattering... and I haven't been in a fitting room since many pounds ago haha. But I am still striving for that bikini...
@sssecret_x - Thanks so much! And you're right, I have to wait for it to find me... like E did. That's why I don't really want to date M cause I feel like I'm not there yet mentally... and I feel a great need to know him better before I commit to him. I won't even have sex with him... its a good sign that he's sticking around anyway, right? lol. And YES that thinspo was vital today... I have never been so obsessed with my abs as I am now... I have been working out in from of a mirror in my underwear for two weeks watching every ounce of fat bounce around so I can watch it shrink!
@perfectionis135 - Yeah I guess at this point dieting isn't enough. I just hate working out!!! And WOW i never knew any of this story except that you "sort of" worked together! Now that i know- YOU SILLY GIRL! ASK HIM OUT! HE LIKES YOU!
@oneLBcloser - im scaredd i dont like to ask guys outttt ahh but this wednesday i have to do something i have tooo
@perfectionis135 - wow! that is a really sweet story :)
Best of luck ^_^
i can't wait to get rid of my tummy soon too! lovely thinspo <3
just because your going out a few times with m doesn't mean it has to be serious. take that hot little body of yours that you've been working so hard to get, put on one of those new sexy dresses that you just bought and go out with the girls. Have fun with the Mr.Right Now's that you meet. Eventually when your not expecting it you'll meet someone who will have all of the qualities you listed above and the Now part....will just drop off his name!
you can totally get to the point of a bikini! keep working on it and it will happen! post some pics of the dresses!
I know what you mean. Haven't felt comfortable in a bikini in the longest! Soon though...